Confessions

The ever-changing winter winds often dissociate the season from the other five. Often like we choose to dissociate ourselves from people who really matter due to temporary jitters and infatuations. The advent of morning sunshine on our rusting skins expose the true nature of human beings. Rash, impatient, immature. Immature enough never to learn the value of perseverance, of patience, of persistence. Immature enough not to look to love the same person even more and instead  to look for an opportunity to hook up with some random stranger every shot we get. We choose to cheat, to rebound, to scourge for a newer, fresher partner every opportunity we get. Hot bods and shiny ratios speak more to us than a wonderful mind. We choose to fall for a 'Size Zero' before we fall for a Damien Rice lover, we choose to fall for a Victoria’s Secret fangirl over an artist who would immortalize us in their pencil strokes. We choose to fall for the brawns over the heart, the six packs over the poetry, to fall for the notes in their wallet over the notes on their guitar. Not saying everything above couldn’t be mutual in some people, but we often choose to discount virtues we should really value for fain physical and materialistic characteristics.

We decide on living because we want to gain success in a flawed parameter in this world. Monetary success, individual achievements, are the the dimensions we can see. We choose to ignore our hearts, to ignore where it leads us. We follow our disruptive brain and in exchange, we slowly learn to kill of the voices of our heart. We choose to value reasoning over emotions, to value profit over peace. This civil conflict between our spirit and our brain is what eventually destroy every one of us slowly on our last days. We say we don’t love someone because they’re not with us, because they’re not our partners. But does love truly value for sex or physical intimacy, or is love something we can never truly comprehend? Is love bounded by materialistic conditions, or is it something so different from other emotions; so out of whack from the dimensions we see that we often fail to merely spell it out?

Love is unfair, and it is often one-sided. You do not need to be loved to be in love. Love doesn’t account for response, intimacy or for distance. Love doesn’t value terrestrial exchange. Love is a hue in the air, a very pure and yet often unfair feeling, always indispensable. The person we love might never be ours, but that does not stop us from loving. We might lie to ourselves, we might tell the world out loud that there’s no feeling left, that there never was no feeling to begin with, that we’ve moved on and in most cases, “We’re just friends.”

“I LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU”
A bunch of simple words. Small, easy and yet bear more meaning than the rest of the dictionary combined. Sacred, pure and easy to spell out, to let know. But we choose to stuff them in our fat bellies with half-digested oily sandwiches. Stuff our mouths with words we don’t believe in instead. And then kill ourselves every time we deny our feelings. Live as a shadow of our loving selves. Choose not to be dead but yet not to be alive. Put on fake smiles and secretly watch as they pass us by.

So let’s not ‘move on’. Let’s not deny love. Let’s learn to live for love, not to die for it. Let’s learn to love from afar, find happiness in the happiness of our loved one. Let’s learn to use love as our biggest strength, not as our worst weakness. And let’s confess. Confess to love, confess to being in love. Love is not a crime, it’s in our credit to be in love; not in our fault. Let’s learn to cherish love, for not all of us are blessed with this feeling. Some of us keep searching for it our entire lives and yet there are others who ignore it, deny it, stuff it, kill it. So let’s not. Let’s love, let’s live, let’s be loved.

Amen.