Over Thinking

The perfect moment doesn't exist,
But I over think
What disease plagues me as such
Life's too short,
It ends in a blink.

I contemplate every moment,
I craft it articulately in my head,
Like the budding of new flowers,
On mother earth's lush spring bed;
I water the plant of my thoughtful demise,
I nurture it with care,
I watch it flourish in front of my own eyes;
Hope laden and love clad,
The tree dies,
And I go mad;
The conditions were perfect,
What had I done wrong?
Was it me,
Or was fate telling me that it had gone on for too long?

I over think,
Perhaps that's why I cry,
It's not easy when expectations die;
Expectations about love and life alike,
Every moment winged with hopes but failed at flight;
Perhaps hope isn't the best fuel,
Not a practical one at that,
Rationality works best,
It's like a rough welcome mat.

I over think,
That's my demise,
I saw my walls break down in front of my own eyes;
I replay every moment a million times in my head,
It hadn't happened yet,
But I suppose I'd play it again.

Every moment is perfect until it comes to be,
I don't stutter in my head,
I just close my eyes and see.

My perfect ending,
My happiness in red,
Is best left for night time,
With my eyes shut in bed;
I don't have the courage in real life,
Neither the will,
To live through a moment,
And ruin the perfection still.

In my head,
I say I love you,
And you say it too,
I play the moment twice,
Just to stare at the image of you;
I stare at the curve of your lips,
I drown in the waves of your hair,
You're entirety is poetry to me,
Just that in reality I feel like you don't care.

I over think,
Perhaps that's all,
I'll never have a definite answer to my thought's call.