To the love that never was

I’ve always had trouble finding the right words to start a story. Well, given the fact that this really is a story that is. I don’t actually know what this is. A rant, a catalogue, an open letter ……a confession?

Love has always been a distant term for me. Something only true in romantic comedies and Nicholas Sparks' novels. An epiphany of a distant charm that one can only see and admire. And maybe sometimes dream about.

Of course, I believe in love. Love in all it’s glory and beauty. I believe in that overwhelming kind of love. That out of this world and “you can not believe it until you’ve seen it” kind of love. The kind of love that engulfs you to the core as it explodes like a volcano at times and slowly consumes you, simmers down through your dress and into your heart. The kind of love poets and writers screech their hearts out about.

And yes, I do believe it’s a very beautiful thing. I do believe love deserves to be glorified. That love can conquer all and patch all rifts and boundaries between two humans. I do believe that love can bring any two people closer if it’s strong enough. I believe in being consumed by love, being destroyed by love, dying for love and of course living for love.

I believe it because I’ve seen it, because I’ve felt it, because I’ve lived it.

I believe in love because one fine winter morning, someone made me believe that angels were real, that butterflies can nest inside your stomach, that you can yearn so much for someone’s touch, that you can die so many times for someone’s smile.

I believe in God for no artist on this planet is creative enough to imagine the beauty that you are and you always will be. That no poet is talented enough to pen down the poem that you are. That no musician is brilliant enough to compose the notes that are; you. That there must be some other entity so pleased with me or something I’ve done that he granted me an audience of your existence.

I believe that love is unconditional because for the first time in my life, I thought about conquering something. The massive worldly divide that has separated us. I believe in unconditional love for I have dreamt of you even on my worst nights knowing full and well that the wall inbetween us is mammoth and that I most probably could never climb it.

I believe in loving from afar for I’ve loved you from the other side of this wall for millennials and will always probably have a little room stored away for you at a corner of my heart, however far this world puts us. I believe in loving from a distance for I always knew you could never be mine and yet I have travelled worlds to listen to your voice.

And although you’re not here right now, although you choose to shelter someone else in your heart now, I do not regret you.

I do not regret trying to conquer entire worlds for you. I do not regret climbing mountains or crossing windy seas just to see a hint of smile on your face. I do not regret loving you with all I had and all I will ever have.

Truth be told, I’m grateful to God. I’m grateful to Him for He gave me you. Even if you’re not mine, even if He did not let you be mine, He gave me the privilege of being in love with you. He gave me the privilege of seeing you smile as the world around you blossom with you. He gave me the privilege of witnessing the meaning of true beauty in you.

And although you’ll never know how I feel for you, how I'd die for you or more importantly, how I’d live for you,.. I’ll keep looking for a hint of love in your smile, hidden beneath your blush, trying to fight it’s way out.

Thank you, for making me believe, for making me conquer, for making it true. Thank you, for smiling at me, for nodding at my existence, for brushing my hand as you laugh at my desperate jokes.

Thank you, for being the lone star in my sky that I aspire to touch. Thank you for making your smile my trophy and your touch my paradise. Thank you for being what you are to me, for living in my dreams.

Thank you, for being real.

So here’s to you.
The love that never was.
You know who you are…

Cheers.